The Phrases given by A Parent Which Saved Us as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the actual experience soon proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple words "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a broader failure to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a sign of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to take a break - taking a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, tell a trusted person, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."